Thursday, July 30, 2009

I still looking for job. What should I do?

Here are the jobs I like to make:

- prostitute manager: prostitute managers have all the hookers that they want and they also get the money the hookers make! It is amazing! It's 2 in 1: free sex with hot russian hooker and money ($$$$$$$$$$$$)!!! But it very hard to get in the business in my new city. I use to have connections but now I'm a nobody. Maybe I can be man hooker and then rise in career.

- russian teacher: I could teach russian to all the female teenagers here in my new country. And then I say to the very hot ones: If you have good time with me you get 100% grade! All the hot sex
y teenagers I want! It would be amazing. But you need very studies, and I have only 12th year.

- professional artist: I could make great paintings! Look at my Jack Sparrow painting, I could make more, and sell! Become rich! Maybe I try to be street painting. And then I say to sexy girl, we have good time, I make your painting free! She could not resist!

What professions you think I could make? I can not decide!

Monday, July 27, 2009

Super Amazing Jack Sparrow Speedpainting!!!!

I like pirates very much. So today I check out this: and become very inspired to do one too, because I have great artist talent. This is what I do:

So what you think?! Amazing, isn't it?! I make more maybe someday, because "practice makes perfect", I saw in Jackie Chan movie!

Saturday, July 25, 2009

Super Interesting! 10 Ways To Improve Your Self Esteem!

Today I try to make article like professional blogger peoples! So I going to make article that get many views for become rich. It is going to be called: "10 ways to improve your self-esteem". This way I get lots of visits from: fat woman, skinny woman, normal woman, and low self-esteem peoples and high self-esteem peoples that click by mistake. Hooray! So here starts my list:

1 - If you're beautiful, look to the mirror. You see yourself. You feel better.
2 - Stop being a fattie. Make exercise. Use electronic device around belly to reduce weight! It amazing results! I see on TV, before: fatty, after: beautiful belly!
3 - If you're ugly, discover liar peoples, and ask "Am I beautiful?". They will say "Yes". You feel much more better.
4 - Eat lots of chocolate. It makes you feel better. Of course you get fatty. So here goes advice change: eats lots of chocolate while using electronic device mentioned in tip 2!
5 - Watch videos about handicaps and retards, and peoples with bad diseases
6 - Listen to music "Remember The Name" by Fort Minor 15 times a day.
7 - Wash your teeth EVERYDAY. I know it hard and annoying, but the effort pays off!
8 - Make a big tattoo, to scare other people.
9 - Give money to a person, that person will automatically like you and praise you.
10 - Meet beautiful Russian girls in online dating websites and take picture and then, even if your lying, show the pictures to your friends and say she your girlfriend. They all jealous!

I hope you enjoy the advice, it really work! My self-esteem used to be 33 and now is 245. I sware!

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Today I stay at home, watch terror film...

I still not rember well what happens yestersay but forget it. Today I watch terror film on TV, about people closed in room and assassin, pedophile and rapist, all together in room, and people die except assassin. Ok, good film. So now I have ideas for terror films, and I want to explain, if you think I make film about it:

- 10 men closed i room. 1 person is gay, others are straight. Lights go out every 10 minutes, and every time the lights go out the gay person rapes one of the guys. They have to find out who gay person is before they buttcracks become too big. Terryfing, isn't it?

- 10 peoples closed in room, 5 men, 5 woman, one man's dick have poison, one woman is cannibal. They don't know who. Everytime lights go out, all woman make blowjob to all men. They have to hope cannibal woman makes blowjob to poisonous man before they all become dickless or die with poison.

- 10 womans closed in room, 1 is tranvesti. Everytime lights go out, tranvesti make sex with woman with no condom. They have to find who tranvesti is before every woman becomes pregnant (oh, and tranvesti have AIDS to make more exciting film). But they all use iron unremovable pants not to try to see who has got a dick. Only tranvesti can remove iron pants, when lights go out, of course.

What you think, I can be next Steven Spielberg? Say what you think, and if you too have ideas about terror film say, I will read them! Thank you very much for reading this, goodbye.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

After party...

I still little bit drunk but try to post. Yesterday very nice, very peoples... very girls... everything light, drinking, man put me inside bag, not see anything... tie in chair, rapist... bring back to disco, dance... drink... very nice, I still not remember very well but it was very nice night. I feel a little bit bad. Goodbye, tomorrow we talk more better. No image today.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Great publicity in my blog! Party to celebrate!

Today I take big step towards greatness, peoples! I go to meet Russian friend who come around to do business with other friends of his, and me and him sign publicity contract. Now I have publicity for all good things in the world, the best online dating websites with foxy russian women with all heights and weights, lots of sexy products and 5 star hotel apartments in St. Petersburg! It amazing! Check out the sites, you will meet girl of your dreams!

Today I have party at my house, I invite all my friends of every nationality. I invite François The Frog, Suarez The Squirrel, Paulinho The Parrot, Earl The Elephant and Garschwreisen The Galapagos Albatross. They all very nice peoples, all immigrants like me. 3 are illegal, 2 are legal. Today we drink, then we go to new Russian club in this city, with very good girls. We still have problem because Paulinho The Parrot still seventeen (17) years old. Maybe he use fake moustache to look older and also get more ladies.

It going to be hell of day. Tomorrow maybe I get job, I still unemploy, my mother send me Paypal money by email every week for now. Police don't find me this way, me very well hidden.

Thank you for reading, see you soon!

Monday, July 20, 2009

What is up, peoples?

So today I go to English class, and teacher (very hot) ask me to write poem about Russia. I make poem.

I like Russia
Russia is my favourite country
It have flowers and peoples
My father was born in seventy-three (73)

Russia is a cold country
Very snow, very wind, sometimes get cold
You need to have lots of fur
And use a hat if you're bald

My new country very good
But I like Russia more
I watch Titanic yesterday
No subtitles. Understand bad. I go to the store.

In the store very expensive
I need my money for dinner
I forget to exchange at airport
People don't accept rubles.

I go back to my house
I have no food
Peoples did not comment on my blog
I forget to allow to non-members
But probably no comment anyway
Because my blog is new
Maybe sometime
Tomorrow I exchange money at airport.

It don't rhyme but my teacher said it don't have to rhyme everytime.